S.Africa: White Woman fightback!

[Some thoughts from Mike Walsh. Jan]

Picture the scene; it is an upstairs bar and this is no gentlemen’s club. The night has been rowdy but the sailors and hangers-on have by now mostly evaporated into Durban’s night air. I have other things on my mind. Gloria is a petite brunette; I have seen more meat on a butcher’s pencil but I am attracted to her. By way of small talk, I ask her how is it she is in ‘a nice place like this.’

“I’m the chucker-out,” she purred winsomely.

As a joke I was unimpressed but my disdainful sneer was soon on the other side of my face. A few tables away was slumped a heavily built Scandinavian sailor. Excusing herself, Gloria tapped the truculent seaman’s shoulder and suggested he go home. Her advice was met by an expletive you don’t use in front of a lady even if she is no lady. Gloria, with a shove, sent the Scandinavian flying to the floor.

In fairness to him, the seaman quickly recovered both his wits and his feet after which he lunged at the bar girl. It all happened fast but I recall she again caught him off balance. Using his own weight and the element of surprise the miniature girl propelled the huge sailor through the door. Unfortunately, this doorway was situated at the head of a steep flight of stairs. I leave the rest to the doormen and your imagination.

Those who target women are often physically unimpressive. Sadly, women rarely know their own strength and this is a weakness that attackers exploit.

The purring house cat likely weighs less than 4kg. If the feline has no wish to be held I defy any man to hold it. The Americans have a saying, ‘It’s not the size of the dog in a fight it is the size of the fight in the dog’. It is true.

A woman, who is already armed by nature, is potentially more terrifying than a Viking raiding party. She has two feet for kicking or running. A woman has two knees, two elbows and two fists for punching. The deadlier of the species has a set of teeth for biting; she has ten nails for gouging and a forehead for head-butting.

A woman’s ear-piercing scream chills the bones of assailants. The last thing an accoster needs is his victim attracting attention. A verbal display of rage will make most men wilt. You don’t believe me? Watch the biggest of men cower when their mother-in-law opens her mouth.

Most women carry a camera. Take a photograph of a potentially threatening person or ask a friend to do so. If a potentially hostile person is photographed he thinks twice. If you are in a secluded area take a photo and then hurl the phone into the long grass. He will surrender to circumstance.

In her purse or pockets, a woman has a bunch of keys. Used as a knuckle-duster-cum-gouger there is no more terrifying weapon. A woman also has her debit / credit card.  Held firmly between her thumb and forefinger it will open up a man’s face better than will a kitchen knife. A woman has perhaps a pair of stiletto heels to hand. Such footwear is called a stiletto for a reason.

A rolled up periodical that is used to jab an attacker’s face causes more damage than a man’s fist. This was a trick used by British Army troops when stationed in lawless Aden.  There is no law against a woman taking home a bottle of something for her nightcap. Grasp its neck, break the bottle and you have in your hand the cook’s kitchen department.

Forget a man’s balls. Place two forefingers in a man’s nostrils and yank upwards and the assailant will scream in agony. Alternatively, while an attacker has his thumbs on her breasts a woman should place her thumbs in the marauder’s eye sockets and gouge.

The heel of a woman’s hand jabbed sharply upwards between an attacker’s upper lip and his nose will splinter the nasal bone and if driven upwards will pierce his brain; it can be lethal.  One last bit of advice, make sure this article is received and read by every female you value.

jlamprecht