Funny: RWANDA’s President has declared War on South Africa – 20 Crazy Things South Africans could do!

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Here is a list of possible counter moves we could make:-

If Rwanda were to declare war on South Africa, it would be a completely absurd situation given the massive size and power difference. Here are 10 funny, crazy, or outrageous responses that South Africans could consider:

01. Immediate Surrender! – Announce that South Africa surrenders unconditionally to Rwanda and politely ask them where they’d like their new capital city to be.

02. Airstrike with Biltong! – Instead of bombs, drop tons of biltong (dried meat) over Rwanda, forcing them to surrender due to excessive dehydration.

03. Deploy the Load Shedding Weapon! – Use Eskom’s “special technology” to cut Rwanda’s electricity supply indefinitely, crippling their economy before the war even starts.

04. Weaponized Vuvuzelas! – Send an army of South African soccer fans armed with vuvuzelas to blast Rwanda into submission. No nation can withstand that noise.

05. The Zuma Peace Initiative – Offer to send Jacob Zuma to Rwanda to personally negotiate a peace deal, ensuring years of delays, court cases, and confusion until Rwanda gives up.

06. Turn Rwanda Into a Province – Instead of fighting back, simply declare that Rwanda is now the 10th province of South Africa and send some Home Affairs officials to start issuing ID books.

07. Operation Table Mountain – Offer free vacations to Cape Town for the entire Rwandan military. They’ll be too distracted by the beaches, wine farms, and penguins to ever return home.

08. Deploy the Taxi Mafia! – Hire minibus taxi drivers to invade Rwanda. No one, not even their army, could handle the chaos of South African taxi wars.

09. Flood Rwanda With South African Politicians! – Send a few corrupt ANC ministers to Rwanda and watch their government collapse under the weight of corruption within weeks.

10. Call a National Strike Against War! – Get COSATU to declare a national strike against the war effort. No one will show up to fight, and the war will be over before it even starts.

11. Preemptively Surrender & Demand Reparations – Immediately surrender, then demand that Rwanda compensate South Africa for the inconvenience of having to pretend this was a real war.

12. Offer to Sell South Africa to Rwanda – List South Africa on eBay and let Rwanda "buy" it for a ridiculous price. Once they realize what they’ve taken on (Eskom, potholes, load shedding, corruption), they’ll beg to give it back!

13. Rename Johannesburg to “New Kigali” – Act like Rwanda has already won and change major cities to Rwandan names, confusing everyone—including Rwanda.

14. Send Julius Malema to Negotiate – Give him a microphone, a red beret, and a one-way ticket to Rwanda. If he speaks long enough, Kagame might surrender just to make it stop.

15. Use Load Shedding as a Defense Strategy – Let them come, then turn off all the electricity, making it impossible for them to find anything or anyone.

16. Declare War on Rwanda First – Catch them off guard by officially declaring war on them before they can do it. Bonus points if we claim Swaziland is secretly behind it all.

17. Challenge Rwanda to a 90-Minute Rugby Match Instead – Winner takes all. Spoiler: The Springboks don’t lose.

18. Send a Zulu War Party for "Peace Talks" – Have a group of Zulu warriors arrive in traditional attire and let Rwanda rethink their decisions very quickly.

19. Make Julius Malema and Jacob Zuma Rwanda’s Problem – Offer Rwanda an all-expenses-paid political deal: "You can have them. No refunds."

20. Tell Elon Musk That Rwanda Insulted Him – He’ll get mad and start funding a private space-based defense system just out of spite.

jlamprecht